Couples That Work: Insights from Dr. Jennifer Petriglieri on Balancing Love, Ambition, and Home
- Brian Page
- Jun 30
- 4 min read
When two people with big ambitions share a life together, keeping the relationship thriving while managing careers and home life can feel like a juggling act. That’s why I invited Dr. Jennifer Petriglieri, author of Couples That Work, on the podcast. Her research-based insights hit home for me and so many of the Modern Husbands listeners.
What makes Dr. Petriglieri’s work stand out is that it’s not just inspirational. It’s practical. “There really was nothing out there based on proper research,” she explained, reflecting on her early days of parenting two toddlers while juggling a career. “There were plenty of articles with famous couples… but they had millions in the bank and a bunch of nannies. That just wasn’t my situation.”
Let’s dive into the key takeaways from our conversation and how couples like yours can apply them.
Define What Success Means Together
Dr. Petriglieri emphasized that one of the biggest reasons couples drift apart is a lack of ongoing communication about what matters most.
“In my research,” she said, “what really matters is that we had a shot [at our goals] and our partners supported us. That’s what drives happiness and prevents resentment.”
She recommends checking in every five years to revisit each partner’s big-ticket dreams. Whether it’s changing careers, going back to school, or starting a business, making room for each other’s aspirations and not just reacting to life as it happens is crucial.
Take Turns Being the Rose and the Gardener
Dr. Petriglieri and I discussed a powerful metaphor: in a thriving relationship, one partner may be the "Rose," blooming in their career, while the other plays the role of the "Gardener," providing support at home.
But it shouldn’t stay that way forever. “It’s very normal to swap those positions over time,” she noted. “That dynamism in a couple is really important.”
When I look back at my own marriage, I realize how much healthier our home became when I took on more domestic responsibilities to support my wife’s career growth. We’re both happier and more appreciative because of it.
Don’t Let Financial Logic Be Your Only Guide
When couples are faced with big decisions, like relocating for work, money often becomes the loudest voice in the room. But Dr. Petriglieri urges couples to pause.
“Money is important,” she said, “but it's not the only thing. The number of couples who make life-changing decisions based on a few thousand dollars is shocking.”
She shared a helpful exercise: take a map, each partner picks out cities they’d be open to living in, and only consider the overlapping locations. This gives couples shared boundaries and empowers better negotiations with employers before a stressful decision lands on the table.
Divide, Don’t Just Share, Household Responsibilities
One of the most insightful points from our conversation came when we talked about running the home. Often, couples split tasks but not the mental load that comes with them.
“It’s not necessarily who does what, but who takes responsibility for what,” she said. “That cognitive load is the real stress.”
Instead of sharing every task, she recommends a “divide and conquer” approach. Each partner owns entire domains. In her home, her husband handles everything medical for the kids. She takes care of the social calendar. They don’t micromanage each other and that efficiency reduces stress.
This aligns with the Fair Play system, which we use in our house. I handle all the grocery shopping and meal prep, and because I own it, it’s off my wife’s mental list. It’s faster, less stressful, and because I love to cook, it even brings me joy.
Don’t Underestimate the Power of Outsourcing
If you can afford to outsource, do it. “There’s a lot of research on the relationship between outsourcing and stress,” Dr. Petriglieri explained. “It is the best thing you can do to take stress out of a family.”
She shared a UK study where kids were asked what they wanted most from their parents. Their answer? Not more time. Less stress.
Reframe the Chores
“Some of these household tasks are joy-giving activities,” she said. “These are things that bind us together as a family.”
I couldn’t agree more. After hours behind a laptop, I genuinely enjoy vacuuming and cleaning. There’s something fulfilling about seeing the result of my work in a freshly cleaned room. Plus, it gets me moving.
Make Time for Intimacy
Dr. Petriglieri didn’t shy away from this one. “The thing that sets a romantic relationship apart from any other is sex.”
She views intimacy as a canary in the coal mine, a sign of how connected a couple is. Even small shifts, like scheduling “split dates” where intimacy happens before dinner out, can reignite connection. It’s not about frequency. It’s about maintaining closeness in the chaos of life.
The Podcast Episode
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If this post resonates with you, know this. Building a fair, balanced life together doesn’t happen by accident. It takes intention, communication, and sometimes, a little outside help.
I’m here to support you.
As a certified Fair Play domestic labor specialist and Accredited Financial Counselor, I work with couples to create systems for managing the home and finances together. That way, you can spend more time thriving and less time just surviving.
Click here to contact me.
