How to Manage Money in a Marriage

Countless factors contribute to our relationship with money, primarily formed by upbringing. We observe the choices our parents or guardians make as we grow up.

Our parents talk to us about money, shaping how we see it and its role in our lives. This evolves into forming what we value. If our parents boasted about our possessions – our home, car, clothes, we could have grown to be materialistic ourselves. Perhaps our parents sacrificed for our education or gave generously to charities. Whatever it might be, what we saw and was told imprinted the role we see money having in our lives.

We also overhear the conversations they are having, and they sometimes overshare financial challenges before we can handle them, which is called financial enmeshment. Others could have experienced financial trauma because money was an ongoing sense of conflict or worry.

These experiences shape our relationship with money, complicating many financial decisions beyond what can be solved by solely setting a budget. Our spouses could have had a very different experience with money growing up and therefore have an entirely different perspective of how money plays a role in their lives. We can’t expect to work well with our partners unless we understand our money beliefs first and are willing to communicate them to our spouses.

There are several money personality assessments available that I like. Below are two options:

• Money Habitudes: Money Habitudes helps you understand what motivates your money behaviors. After taking around 10 minutes to take the assessment, you will receive a detailed report to help you better understand your relationship with money. Click here to take the assessment.

• Your Money Script: Money scripts® is the unconscious beliefs about money that are rooted in our childhood and shape our financial health. Click here to take the short assessment designed to help folks understand their money belief system.

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