The Hidden Cost of Not Talking About Money: Why 1 in 4 Couples Lose Out on Retirement Savings

Brian Page
Sep 22, 2025
3 min read

When couples consider their financial future, they often focus on saving more, investing wisely, or budgeting more effectively. However, a groundbreaking study has revealed a far more straightforward and frequently overlooked strategy for building wealth: coordinating retirement contributions.

According to a 2023 white paper by researchers from MIT, Yale, and the U.S. Treasury, nearly one in four U.S. couples are failing to optimize their contributions to their workplace retirement accounts.

The result?

They’re leaving hundreds—sometimes thousands—of dollars in employer-match money on the table every year.

For financially savvy, dual-earning couples, this news is a wake-up call. If both spouses have access to employer-sponsored retirement plans like a 401(k), there’s a real opportunity to make smarter, team-based decisions that can significantly boost their long-term wealth.

The Problem: Missed Employer Matches

Most U.S. employers that offer defined contribution plans, such as 401(k)s, also provide a matching contribution. These match schedules vary, but the core idea is simple.

If you contribute a percentage of your paycheck to your retirement plan, your employer contributes a bit more, essentially giving you “free money” for your future.

The research found that 24–25% of couples did not allocate their retirement savings to maximize these matching opportunities. For example, suppose one partner’s employer matched dollar-for-dollar up to 5% of salary, and the other’s employer only matched 50 cents on the dollar. In that case, the couple should have focused first on maxing out contributions to the higher-match plan.

Instead, many couples contributed independently, sometimes prioritizing the lower-match plan or even exceeding one spouse’s cap while the other left money on the table.

The cost?

An average of $682 per year in missed match money.

For some couples, it was over $1,700.

Why Couples Fail to Coordinate

The reasons for this inefficiency aren’t what you might expect. The researchers ruled out auto-enrollment, inertia, or the idea that couples were simply unaware of the value of the match. Even when the stakes were high (over $6,000 in potential gains), many couples still didn’t coordinate effectively.

So what’s going on?

The biggest clue came from relationship dynamics. Couples who had stronger financial ties—such as joint bank accounts, shared mortgages, or children—were more likely to make efficient decisions. Those who later divorced were more likely to be among the inefficient savers. In short, cooperation, trust, and shared planning matter.

Marriage Makes a Measurable Difference

Interestingly, the study also tracked couples over time. As people got married, their likelihood of coordinating retirement contributions improved. After a divorce, coordination dropped again.

This tells us something powerful: financial teamwork is often a reflection of emotional and relational commitment. Money isn’t just math—it’s communication.

How to Fix It: Work as a Team

So, what can couples do to avoid this common mistake? It doesn’t take a financial degree—just a conversation and a game plan.

Start with this checklist:

You can download our Retirement Optimization Checklist to guide this conversation.

Money Conversations Build Stronger Marriages

This isn’t just about dollars; it’s about building a life together. When couples coordinate finances, they not only grow wealth but also deepen trust, reduce stress, and align on their future vision.

If you and your partner aren’t sure how to start, consider working with a coach who specializes in helping couples manage money as a team. At Modern Husbands, we provide practical, research-backed tools to help you build financial harmony at home.

Related: What is a Money Date?

Final Thoughts

The average couple in this study was well-educated, earned above-average incomes, and still left money on the table. That’s proof that good intentions aren’t enough—coordination is key.

Don’t let your hard-earned money slip through the cracks. Talk to your partner. Share the numbers. Make a plan.

And most importantly, do it together. Subscribe to my free newsletter for ideas to manage money and the home as a team.