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Understanding Financial Infidelity in Blended Families: Challenges and Solutions

Writer's picture: Brian PageBrian Page
Understanding Financial Infidelity in Blended Families: Challenges and Solutions
Study author, Mikel Van Cleve

Financial infidelity is a growing concern for families. Blended families, which integrate stepchildren and often navigate complex financial and emotional dynamics, face unique challenges.


A recent study written by Modern Husbands Advisory Board Member Mikel Van Cleve explored how factors like genetic relatedness and emotional fusion influence financial infidelity in these families, shedding light on potential solutions. Download the full study below.



What Is Financial Infidelity?


Financial infidelity involves actions such as hiding purchases, lying about expenses, or maintaining secret bank accounts. It erodes trust, disrupts communication, and can lead to financial strain and relationship dissatisfaction.


According to research, 43% of couples admit to some form of financial infidelity, and 85% report its impact on their relationships​.


Blended families, comprising approximately 42% of U.S. households, are particularly vulnerable to this issue. They manage multiple family systems, including relationships with stepchildren, ex-spouses, and extended families, which creates financial complexities and opportunities for secrecy​​.


Unique Challenges in Blended Families


Financial Complexity


Blended families often juggle obligations like child support, alimony, and shared expenses. These pressures make open communication about finances essential but challenging.


Kinship Bias


Parents in blended families may prioritize biological children over stepchildren, creating tensions. This preference is linked to evolutionary kin selection theory, which suggests people are more likely to act altruistically toward those with shared genetic ties​​.


Emotional Fusion


Emotional fusion, where individuals lose their sense of autonomy to maintain family harmony, can exacerbate financial conflicts. In such cases, decisions may be driven by emotional responses rather than rational thought, increasing the likelihood of financial secrecy​​.


 


 

Key Findings from the Study


The study, which analyzed data from the Couple Relationships and Transition Experiences (CREATE) project, revealed the following:


Stepchildren Increase Risk


The presence of stepchildren significantly raised the probability of financial infidelity among wives, emphasizing the strain these dynamics place on relationships. Husbands, however, showed no similar trend​​. The biological desire to provide more for your genetic children than stepchildren can lead to disagreements between spouses. To avoid the conflict, spouses may feel an increased temptation to engage in financial infidelity. 


“Unfortunately, this only leads to more conflict and loss of trust in the relationship,” Van Cleve says. 

Emotional Fusion as a Moderator


Emotional fusion is a state of emotional merging where people lose their sense of self and become overly attached to others. Van Cleve found that it magnified the effects of stepchildren on financial infidelity for husbands. When emotional fusion was high, both husbands and wives were more likely to hide financial decisions from each other​​.


Impact of Education


Higher education levels generally acted as a protective factor, reducing the likelihood of financial infidelity​.


Practical Solutions


To address financial infidelity in blended families, practitioners recommend focusing on improving communication, setting clear financial boundaries, and fostering individual autonomy. The study proposed interventions, such as the Van Cleve-Klontz Role Play Model for Couples, which includes steps like:


  • Identifying the root issues.

  • Encouraging open dialogue and empathy through role-playing.

  • Developing and implementing actionable financial plans.

  • Regularly reviewing progress with a financial or relationship counselor​​.


Moving Forward


Blended families can benefit from financial therapy that combines insights from kin selection theory and family systems theory. By addressing the unique pressures they face and promoting transparency, families can build stronger, more resilient relationships. Future research should expand to explore other financial behaviors, such as estate planning and caregiving, to provide further guidance for these increasingly common family structures.


Financial infidelity is a challenging but surmountable issue, particularly when approached with empathy, communication, and professional guidance. Blended families can thrive by fostering trust and navigating their financial realities with clarity and openness.


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