We Never Have Enough Time
Do you find yourself saying or thinking, “We never have enough time?” If so, this post is for you. I saw the image above on social media earlier this week, and it tracks with the data I’ve seen before.
When family and work obligations consume so much time that you don’t have moments to decompress, you are experiencing time poverty. I know that feeling. I worked 80-hour weeks outside of the home for over a decade. It’s miserable, and it’s not the same as telling someone, "I'm busy." Someone can have a demanding schedule but still control much of their time.
We have three children, and this image rings true for us. It’s not because the kids are less enjoyable to be around between the ages of 11-13. For us, during these years we were drowning in obligations as parents while our careers became increasingly demanding.
Scheduled activities in the middle school years are toughest because they’re not old enough to drive, but they’re old enough to commit more time. Travel and costs ramp up for select sports, which in many high schools is a necessary step toward making a varsity team.
I’m writing this post for folks with the financial resources to outsource some responsibilities or the financial freedom to demand more work flexibility from their employees. This post aims to help parents who feel like they never have enough time. I’ll draw from research and lived experiences to share ideas you can use in your lives.
Solutions for “Not Enough Time”
The downloadable study below suggests that reducing small, often invisible sources of wasted time can meaningfully ease time poverty, particularly for people already carrying heavier household and caregiving burdens. Let’s unpack how.
Audit invisible time
I cannot stress enough how important it is to audit invisible time first. I didn’t even know what this meant five years ago, and I might have shrugged it off. But please, trust me from someone who is doing this work now; it is the most important step.
Think of invisible time as the work of our head and hearts. The planning and organizing that needs to take place to run our homes, the worrying and care that goes into raising children.
You can use two tools. My favorite, hands down, is the BetterShare App. I also like Dr. Corinne Low’s Time Tracker sheet, which you can access by joining her mailing list.
Give one person complete ownership of responsibilities
Avoid making one spouse the permanent household project manager. It leads to resentment, the nag paradox, and scorekeeping.
To do this, I recommend Eve Rodsky's Fair Play framework. It breaks every household task into Conception, Planning, and Execution (CPE).
Who conceives the task (remembers it exists)?
Who plans it (researches and schedules)?
Who executes it (actually does it)?
A practical example of using the CPE framework to own a task from start to finish is the laundry.
Conception: remember when the laundry needs to be done without being reminded, or set routine days to do it.
Planning: figure out everyone’s work and activity schedules. When do uniforms and practice gear need to be finished? Does your partner’s dress need to be taken to the dry cleaner?
Execution: doing it all, at an agreed-upon standard of care, without being reminded.
Avoid Scorekeeping
Scorekeeping can be toxic in a relationship, but it’s worse when one partner refuses to acknowledge and address unfair leisure time. You both need time for yourself, and that should be relatively equal.
Another strategy to avoid scorekeeping is to remember that an equal split of chore tasks doesn’t mean it’s fair. Dishes need to be done 1-2 times a day. The lawn needs to be mowed weekly, at most. There are lots of examples like this, which is why it’s important to aim for each leisure time, not an equal split of the tasks.
No more default parents or managers
Is there a default parent and home manager in your relationship? That can work well if that partner doesn’t work, or at least work much, outside of the home. The problem is when both partners work full time, yet one is the default leader in the home.
If you’re not sure what that means, consider the following common tasks of the default parent and home manager:
schedule pediatrician appointments
wait during children's activities
handle school pickup
contacted first by the school
sit through medical appointments
coordinate elder care
deal with service providers
make returns
manage household administration
If one of you works full time, handles responsibilities like these, and has less leisure time than the other, you will eventually resent them.
Use technology deliberately
Google Calendar
Google Calendar: A versatile calendar app that allows you to schedule events, set reminders, and sync across devices. It offers features like sharing calendars with others and integrating with other Google services.
Our family relies heavily on Google Calendar. My wife works a lot, travels some, and has three active kids. We created a "family calendar," which we all rely on.
Microsoft To Do
Microsoft To Do: An app that integrates with Microsoft's ecosystem, allowing you to create tasks, set reminders, and access your lists across multiple devices. It offers a clean interface and supports smart suggestions.
Todoist
Todoist: A popular task management app that lets you create to-do lists, set due dates, and receive reminders. It also supports collaboration, making it ideal for managing personal and shared tasks.
In my previous post, I shared 7 more tech tools to consider: 10 Fast Tips for Husbands to Save Time Managing Life.
Outsource strategically when your budget allows
Outsourcing is a time-saving strategy that relieves pressure for busy couples who feel pressure to do everything themselves. Think of outsourcing as buying time. It was hard for me to accept that outsourcing was not avoiding responsibility.
If I could mow the lawn myself, why wouldn’t I? If I could cook from scratch instead of using meal kits, is it lazy to order meal kits? I thought like this in the past, and I regret it. Reclaim your hours and use them toward more meaningful work, or time with family and friends.
Create and protect equal leisure time
The most important solution is to create and protect equal leisure time. Each of you should have time away from all of the responsibilities in our lives to participate in activities that immerse us so deeply in the experiences that we forget about work.
Professional Support
Sometimes folks need a professional to help them construct a system that creates and protects equal leisure time.
I'm the only Certified Financial Therapist™, Accredited Financial Counselor®, and Fair Play Facilitator®, and I empower high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team—drawing on decades of national leadership and lived experience.
Click here to learn more about how and when I can support you.
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