Breadwinners, Balance, and the Mental Load: A Conversation About Marriage
- Brian Page
- 6 hours ago
- 5 min read
I recently hosted a powerful three-panel LinkedIn Live event that tackled some of the most pressing challenges dual-career couples face today:
Navigating shifting breadwinning roles
Managing the invisible mental and emotional load
Rewriting the rules at home
Each panel brought together leading experts, authors, and practitioners who shared personal stories, research insights, and practical takeaways for couples looking to become better teammates at home.
Below you’ll find brief recaps of each panel along with space to listen to the full recordings.
Panel 1: When She Earns More
Dr. Gary Barker – CEO of Equimundo, global expert on masculinities, caregiving, and gender equality
Melissa Hogenboom – BBC journalist and author of Breadwinners
Ed Coambs – Financial therapist, founder of Healthy Love & Money, past president of the Financial Therapy Association
This conversation unpacked the emotional and relational dynamics of female breadwinning. Dr. Barker explored how male identity remains deeply tied to being a provider, and the tension that creates in changing economies.
Melissa Hogenboom highlighted the dual expectations placed on women—to earn and to maintain home responsibilities—and shared stories of couples struggling to renegotiate roles.
Ed Coambs brought both personal and professional experience, opening up about shame, resentment, and the journey toward financial intimacy in his own marriage.
Panel Recording
The episode will be pushed out on the Modern Husbands Podcast on February 10th, 2026. However, below you can listen to the full discussion in advance right now.
Show Notes
00:00 Introduction
01:25 You've worked with families across 40+ countries. What are some universal patterns you see when women become the primary earners?
06:09 In researching your book Breadwinners, what surprised you most about how female earners experience their relationships?
09:00 What are the emotional undercurrents behind money tension when she earns more?
16:22 What advice would you give couples trying to “rewrite the script” when roles flip?
21:15 How can couples begin uncovering and addressing money shame or resentment?
29:26 What cultural shifts do you think are needed—and possible?
32:01 Are the algorithms of social media adding to the belief that it’s “men vs. women” facing today’s challenges?
36:33 What types of men generally embrace relationships that include a female breadwinner, and what can we learn from them?
39:27 What does financial intimacy really look like in these relationships?
41:58 How can female breadwinners make their partners feel valued and loved for who they are?
Panel 2: Men and the Mental Load
Dr. Julie Wayne – Professor of Management, Wake Forest University, award-winning work-family researcher
Paige Connell – Content creator, working mom of four, and leading voice on the mental load and gender equity in marriage
Brian Page – Founder of Modern Husbands, Accredited Financial Counselor®, Fair Play Facilitator
This panel dove into what Dr. Wayne calls the “invisible family load”—the cognitive and emotional labor often shouldered by women.
Paige broke it down into plain language and real-life experiences, emphasizing how the imbalance leads to resentment and eroded connection.
Both highlighted the psychological toll of unacknowledged domestic work and shared strategies for equitable division, including the need to communicate early and often.
Panel Recording
The episode will be pushed out on the Modern Husbands Podcast on February 24th, 2026. However, below you can listen to the full discussion in advance right now.
Show Notes
00:00 Introduction
01:31 Can you briefly define mental load, cognitive labor, and the consequences of imbalance?
04:42 Your research has uncovered key psychological barriers to sharing the mental load, can you walk us through them?
10:53 Can you share an example where a couple went from burnout to balance?
24:15: How can men step in and shoulder more at home?
32:04 What do your findings suggest are effective ways to invite men into this space meaningfully?
39:23 What tools or frameworks have been most effective for dividing the “invisible work”?
45:50 What are a few simple tricks couples can use to better work together?
49:24 Can you explain the difference between emotional labor and mental labor, and share which is more taxing and why?
Panel 3: How Men are Leading at Home
Eve Rodsky – Author of Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space, founder of the Fair Play movement
Dr. Kate Mangino – Gender expert and author of Equal Partners
Dr. Allison Daminger – Researcher of the “mental load” and author of "What's on Her Mind"
In the final panel, Eve Rodsky, Dr. Kate Mangino, and Dr. Allison Daminger, joined me to explore how modern couples can rebalance the invisible workload of home life.
Together, the panel emphasized shifting mindsets, creating practical systems, and rejecting outdated gender roles to build partnerships rooted in trust, clarity, and teamwork.
Panel Recording
The episode will be pushed out on the Modern Husbands Podcast on March 10th, 2026. However, below you can listen to the full discussion in advance right now.
Show Notes
00:00 Introduction
01:44 What does it mean for a man to lead at home?
What does it mean for men to lead at home today, and why can labeling it as women’s work be such a toxic label?
08:25 For those who are unfamiliar, can you describe the Fair Play system?
18:29 Your book explores the thinking work that drives a household. What examples can you share of men who shoulder an equitable or lion’s share of this type of labor, and what has allowed them to break the norm?
24:23 Can you share an example from Equal Partners of a man redefining provide in a powerful way?
27:21 Can you share some of your favorite success stories of couples using the Fair Play method and men, in particular, experiencing a boost in their own happiness and relationship satisfaction?
32:16 What are some subtle ways men have shifted from delegating to initiating mental labor in a home?
39:00 What do you say to skeptics who think "this work should just come naturally"?
42:18 What are the bumps in the road that men often experience employing the Fair Play method, and how do they work through them with their partners?
47:41 What cognitive labor traps do you see highly educated or dual-career couples falling into, and how can they work through them?
52:52 How can we prevent the motherhood penalty from occurring in our relationships?
Next Steps
The message from all three panels was clear: true partnership requires vulnerability, communication, and a willingness to challenge outdated norms. Whether it's about money, housework, or career prioritization, modern couples can—and must—write new scripts together.
Professional Support
I support couples who want to better manage money or the home as a team in their relationship. I am also available for group coaching events.
I'm the only Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, empowering high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team — drawn from decades of national leadership and lived experience.
Click here to schedule a free 15 minute exploratory call.
For more ideas to manage money and the home as a team in your marriage, click here to take advantage of our free preview of our Marriage Toolkit.
