Caregiving Considerations for Modern Families
- Brian Page
- Dec 16, 2025
- 5 min read
A conversation about future caregiving roles every couple should have before marriage
Family caregiving is a critical decision that shapes a family's daily routines and financial health, emotional well-being, and overall life balance moving forward.
On average, women with children forfeit 15 percent of their earnings to provide family care, costing them $295,000 in lost wages and related retirement income over a lifetime. Unless affordable paid child and elder care options become widespread, achieving parity in earnings between women and men will be challenging.
Families can no longer afford to default to the 20th-century caregiving family model. 45% of American households include a woman who earns as much as her husband or more. Most importantly, the latest research reveals that involved fathers contribute to child development.
For this article, we'll explore four primary caregiving scenarios:
When a Father Stays Home
A growing trend in American families is the decision for the father to become the Lead Dad, the primary caregiver. As of 2019, 17% of all stay-at-home parents are fathers.
Dads assume the primary caregiver role for various reasons, such as flexible work arrangements, changes in societal norms, or a father's desire to be more involved in their children's upbringing.
A recent study found that fathers who actively participated in caregiving, such as feeding and bathing, had children who exhibited greater social competence, including better peer relationships and higher levels of empathy and self-control. There is additional evidence that fathers who regularly play or read with their children have a particularly positive effect on their children's cognitive abilities.
On the other hand, fathers may face social stigma and isolation, given societal expectations about gender roles.
“Our goal at The Company of Dads is to normalize the role of Lead Dad - whether that go-to parent works full time, part time, or devotes all of his time to his family,” Sullivan said. “The stigma of being Mr. Mom or a House Husband prevents a lot of men from stepping up at home. But it also places too much of the parenting burden on Working Moms in the office.
Considering these emotional challenges and the potential need for supportive networks or resources for stay-at-home dads is essential.
Modern Husbands Podcast Episode
When a Mother Stays Home
Mothers have traditionally been the primary caregivers for many years, and this remains a viable option for many families. Doing so can bring the peace of mind of knowing your child is being cared for by a parent and the opportunity to nurture a strong mother-child bond.
As previously mentioned, a mother's decision to stay at home can have significant financial implications, including lost income, reduced retirement savings, and potential gaps in her career progression. Deciding to transition into a lead caregiver might be a singular decision, but it has compounding family implications that last a lifetime.
The Motherhood Penalty
One of the most overlooked realities in caregiving decisions is the motherhood penalty. Research consistently shows that women experience long-term financial setbacks after having children, even when they remain in the workforce. This penalty shows up as lower lifetime earnings, slower wage growth, reduced retirement savings, and fewer leadership opportunities compared to men and childfree peers.
A lack of ambition or ability does not cause the penalty. Structural expectations for caregiving drive it. Mothers are more likely to reduce hours, turn down promotions, take career breaks, or absorb the mental load that limits availability for paid work. Even short caregiving interruptions can compound over decades, affecting Social Security benefits, employer retirement matches, and overall financial security.
Caregiving choices cannot be treated as short-term lifestyle decisions. They are long-term financial decisions that shape a family’s balance sheet for decades. Couples who plan proactively are better positioned to protect both partners’ earning power, retirement readiness, and flexibility over time.
To support these conversations, we encourage couples to use our Free Family Financial Planning Calculator. It helps families model different caregiving scenarios, understand the long-term impact of income changes, and see how decisions today affect future cash flow, savings, and financial resilience. The goal is not to prescribe a single “right” choice, but to make invisible trade-offs visible so couples can decide together with clarity and confidence.
Shared and Fair Caregiving
Shared caregiving, where both parents equally divide child-rearing responsibilities, is another approach gaining momentum and recognition. This arrangement can offer several advantages.
Balance
Shared caregiving allows both parents to balance their careers and parenting roles, potentially reducing disruption to their professional development.
Two-Parent Bonds
Secondly, shared caregiving fosters a strong bond between the child and both parents, promoting a holistic family interaction model.
Minimizing Career Sacrifices
It minimizes career sacrifices that are otherwise disrupted by traditional caregiving roles and expectations, partly because fathers are stepping up. Fathers are taking on more caregiving responsibilities historically perceived as women's work, such as bathing, dressing, and feeding their children.
It’s important to note that infants with engaged fathers showed fewer behavioral problems and better emotional regulation skills as toddlers and preschoolers.
Related reading: The cost of raising children
Hiring a Full-time Caregiver
Alternatively, families may choose to hire a full-time caregiver. This option allows both parents to continue working, maintaining their career trajectory and income.
This arrangement provides professional, dedicated care for the child and flexibility for the parents. However, it's often the most expensive option and requires diligent oversight to ensure the quality of care. It's also essential to factor in the potential lack of parental presence during significant portions of the child's day.
When selecting a caregiver, thorough vetting, including background checks and reference reviews, is crucial for the child's safety and the family's peace of mind.
Ultimately, the decision around caregiving is deeply personal, with no one-size-fits-all solution. Each family must consider its unique circumstances, values, and resources. Key considerations include the family's financial situation, career aspirations, emotional well-being, and, most importantly, the child's needs.
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Citations
Kuo, A. (2023, March 12). The impact of fathers on cognitive and emotional development. Child Development Perspectives. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/239870261_Fathers'_Influence_on_Their_Children's_Cognitive_and_Emotional_Development_From_Toddlers_to_Pre-K/citation/download
Miller, C. C. (2023, June 6). The short-term and long-term costs of being a stay-at-home mom. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/06/upshot/child-care-biden.html
Child Care Aware of America. (2023). Choosing Child Care. Child Care Aware of America, https://www.childcareaware.org/
“Parenting in America.” Pew Research Center’s Social Trends; Demographic Trends Project, 17 Dec. 2015, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/.
Livingston, Gretchen. “8 Facts about American Dads.” Pew Research Center, 12 June 2019, www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/.
Buckley, Catherine K, and Sarah J Schoppe-Sullivan. “Father Involvement and Coparenting Behavior: Parents' Nontraditional Beliefs and Family Earner Status as Moderators.” Personal Relationships vol. 17,3 (2010): 413-431. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01287.x
Front. Psychol., 25 October 2019 Sec. Developmental Psychology Volume 10 - 2019 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02405
Johnson, Richard W, et al. Lifetime Employment-Related Costs to Women of Providing Family Care, 1 Feb. 2023, www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/WB/Mothers-Families-Work/Lifetime-caregiving-costs_508.pdf.
Karberg, Elizabeth et al. “Chapter VI: Longitudinal Contributions of Maternal and Paternal Intrusive Behaviors to Children's Sociability and Sustained Attention at Prekindergarten.” Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development vol. 84,1 (2019): 79-93. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/332783071_Advancing_Research_and_Measurement_on_Fathering_and_Child_Development
