9 Steps to Help Your Wife Have It All

If your wife works full-time and you're committed to helping her thrive, not just survive, then this post is for you.

Dr. Low’s book, Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women's Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours, deeply resonated with my professional background as a former AP Macro/Micro (and Personal Finance) educator, and my personal experiences. 

We relocated from Ohio to Georgia to support my wife’s career. Her career continued to accelerate, my new career was taxing, and our family dynamics were such that something had to change. I googled “How to be a great husband,” and my journey in building Modern Husbands began.

I’ve seen firsthand how a marriage that was already strong can flourish by deciding that you’re going to do what it takes to help your wife have it all. My wife is a rock star, so it wasn’t that hard for me :-). I also see it firsthand when I empower busy dual-career couples with systems to manage their homes as a team. 

Corinne Low, PhD, is an associate professor of business economics and public policy at the Wharton School, where she teaches an award-winning course on the economics of discrimination. Her research has been published in journals such as the American Economic Review, the Quarterly Journal of Economics, and the Journal of Political Economy. She regularly speaks to and advises companies on their practices, and her research has been featured in media outlets from Vanity Fair to the Harvard Business Review. 

Corinne received her PhD in economics from Columbia University and her BS in economics and public policy from Duke University, and formerly worked for McKinsey & Company. She lives in Philadelphia with her family.

Dr. Low’s book provides a roadmap for husbands to empower their partners to have it all. For men who want this for their partners, here are nine steps to take, drawing on lessons from Dr. Low’s book.

1. Understand the Real Problem: It’s Not Her. It’s the System.

Dr. Low opens her book by sharing the burnout she experienced while commuting, working, parenting, and managing the home. Her story is not unique. High-achieving women are trying to succeed at work while also being the CEO of their households.

Frankly, our broken system is breaking marriages. 

This isn’t just about time. It’s about load. Most women carry the mental, emotional, and invisible labor of the home. They remember birthdays, schedule doctor’s appointments, and manage logistics, often without being asked. Meanwhile, men—even those who love their wives deeply—are often unaware of how little they actually contribute to domestic life.

The takeaway? If your wife is struggling, it’s not because she needs to be more organized. It’s because she’s operating within a structure that demands too much and gives too little.

2. Treat Marriage Like the Economic Partnership It Is

In Having It All, Low explains that marriage is essentially a deal. Both partners contribute time, energy, and resources in exchange for support, stability, and happiness.

Traditionally, this deal was one-sided. The husband worked for income while the wife managed everything else. However, today, many women work full-time and still manage the majority of household chores and childcare. That’s not a deal. That’s a raw deal.

I argue that one of the most stunning systemic default decisions many couples make is to compare the cost of childcare to “her” salary. Putting aside values and emotions, and strictly examining the economics of such a significant decision, can strip away hundreds of thousands of dollars in household income for families over time. 

In partnership with FinMango, I developed the Family Financial Planning Calculator, which enables couples to estimate the costs of various scenarios after the birth of a child, empowering them to make informed financial decisions.

3. Take Ownership, Not Just Tasks

Helping is not the same as co-owning. Co-owning means taking responsibility for entire areas of domestic life.

Dr. Low reminds us that women are still doing twice as much cooking and cleaning as their male partners, even when they are the primary earners. To truly support your wife, stop waiting to be asked. Step in and take full ownership of chores from start to finish.

The system I use in our home and the one I base my business, as a Fair Play Facilitator, on is the Fair Play system. 

The heart of the Fair Play system is CPE: Conception, Planning, and Execution, the three phases of truly owning a household task. Here’s how CPE works:

Conception: Seeing the need.

Example: Recognizing that your child has outgrown their shoes.

Planning: Figuring out the logistics.

Example: Researching shoe sizes, checking the calendar for a good shopping day, and budgeting for the purchase.

Execution: Actually doing the task.

Example: Taking your child to the store, buying shoes, and ensuring they fit.

Most conflict happens when one partner is stuck doing the Conception and Planning, while the other just jumps in at Execution (if at all). In Fair Play, the goal is for one partner to fully own tasks from C to E, thereby freeing the other from the mental load.

4. Guard Her Time

One of the clearest signs of support is how you protect her time. Does she have uninterrupted hours to focus, rest, or recharge? If not, why not?

The goal in our relationship, and with the couples I support, is to strive for equal leisure time. To be crystal clear, leisure time only counts when someone is actively engaged in that time, not thinking about the never-ending list of future home labor. 

Protecting her time starts with working together to implement a suggestion from Dr. Low — Pay Yourself First: With Leisure Time. This involves scheduling non-negotiable leisure time in her calendar first and building her day around it.

5. Being the Breadwinner Doesn’t Buy You Out of Chores

Dr. Low’s research finds something stunning: in heterosexual relationships where the woman is the primary breadwinner, she still does more housework than her husband.

In contrast, in same-sex couples, the higher earner typically does less housework, regardless of gender. Yikes. 

Breadwinning does not mean home labor is optional. Financial contribution is only one piece of the family equation, albeit far easier to quantify than the invisible labor necessary to operate a home. 

I have found that quantifying housework helps in having conversations about home equity. There are various ways to do so, but my favorite is by using the free Persist Careload Assessment. 

6. Spend Money to Buy Time—for Both of You

If you have the means, outsource. Buy time where you can: cleaners, meal kits, grocery delivery, and after-school care. Don't make her manage it all and then also be the one to set it up.

Every hour you buy back is an hour you can spend with her; she can rest, parent with joy, or pursue her own growth.

And if money is tight, use your time and creativity:

• Set up a carpool with neighbors

• Simplify meals with batch cooking

• Trade kid coverage with another couple

Time is your most valuable household resource. Treat it that way.

7. Champion Her Career Like You Would Want Yours Championed

If you want your wife to have it all, her career has to be prioritized. What helped us in our marriage was to view our lives in chapters and our roles metaphorically. 

For much of our marriage, I was the breadwinner, working very long hours outside of the home while my wife worked her magic inside of it. She was the gardener, nourishing the home so I could bloom as a rose in my career. 

Now I am the gardener, nourishing our home so my wife can bloom as a rose in her career. We both work, but these metaphors make it far easier for us to recognize that the domestic safety-net and time-intensive responsibilities that often default to women are my responsibility as well. 

Most importantly, we must be our wives' greatest champions in their careers, cheering them on when they’re thriving and providing emotional support when they’re not. 

8. Don’t Wait Until She’s Burned Out

Many women don’t speak up until they’re running on fumes. Dr. Low didn’t make life-altering changes until she was crying in a train bathroom, missing bedtime again, holding a breast pump.

Don’t wait until your wife hits a breaking point. Pay attention now.

9. Make “Having It All” a Shared Mission

Having it all doesn’t mean doing it all. It means having a life that reflects your values, priorities, and dreams—together.

Help your wife have it all by being the husband who:

• Shares the load

• Supports the ambition

• Protects the time

• Values the partnership

That is not only how you help her have it all. It is how you build a marriage where both partners contribute.

Final Thought

For far too long, our broken system has been breaking marriages. It’s up to us to define what happiness, success, and our roles in achieving them as a team mean.

It starts with a conversation, and perhaps actively listening to the answer to a simple question to your spouse...

Professional Support

I support couples who want to better manage money or the home as a team in their relationship.

I'm the only Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, empowering high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team — drawn from decades of national leadership and lived experience.

Click here to schedule a free 15 minute exploratory call.

For more ideas to manage money and the home as a team in your marriage, click here to take advantage of our free preview of our Marriage Toolkit.