Die With Zero Book Review: 5 Lessons About Money, Marriage, and Living Well

Are you and your spouse saving for a future you're sacrificing your present to achieve?

I think about this often now that I can afford to, and I do so with some regret. For 15 years, I worked two full-time jobs while being married with three kids. I had a bleeding ulcer before I hit 40. I had lots of professional accomplishments, and we made some wise investments along the way. 

I wonder whether the price was too steep. I was miserable. I parented with outcomes in mind, missing out on the joy of living in the moment. Our marriage ran like a business, leaving us little time to stay connected each day. We took occasional weekend getaways, but they were only band-aids on a self-inflicted wound.

I’m not alone. Many of my friends have lived this way, mostly men. 

While much of my time is spent focusing on our partners and the challenges they face, I must point out that we can’t fill the cup of others if our own is empty. Some men tend to do this at work. 

Yes, I’m well aware of the “average data” showing how much the “average man” works inside and outside the home – but that data is a lie for men like us. 

A close friend recommended I read Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. He’s not a financial expert; he’s a financially successful attorney who spent much of his career time-scarce. My friend has recommended the book many times, and because he knows me well, I trusted him. And he was right.

5 Lessons About Money, Marriage, and Living Well

The book's central theme is that money is a tool for maximizing life experiences, not an end goal. The objective is to use your money while you have the time, health, and relationships to enjoy it. I’ve broken the book's theme into five lessons about money, marriage, and living well.

1. Maximize life experiences, not your bank account

Accumulating wealth without a plan to enjoy it can mean sacrificing time that can never be recovered. 

I’ll never get back the years I worked more than I should have. The only years when our children were at home. 

The experiences I wish I had had more of weren’t expensive vacations; they actually wouldn’t have cost a dime. They would have been more time in the backyard playing sports or inside playing board games. 

As you reflect on your own life, consider how you spend your time, and ask whether it’s prioritizing opportunities you’ll never have again. 

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2. Invest in experiences early to earn memory dividends

Perkin shares the concept of memory dividends: the enjoyment you receive from remembering meaningful experiences. What is so insightful about this concept is that research shows experiences can provide satisfaction in the buildup to them and long after they occur.

Delaying experiences reduces how many years you can enjoy their memories. Experiences don’t need to be expensive, but the memories can be priceless.

Think about ways to create memories with those you love most. Click here for the activities science has found most meaningful at the lowest cost.

3. Understand the relationship between health, time, and money

A picture is worth a thousand words. The image above illustrates that our health, free time, and financial resources change throughout our lives. We need to plan accordingly. 

I plan on taking a trip to the Swiss Alps with my father this summer. We’ve been there quite a few times, usually spending most of the time hiking. But my father, who is 81 years old, is an avid cyclist. He’s cycled across the United States twice: once at 60 and again at 70. He’s also cycled throughout Europe countless times, and the Alps are his favorite.

Cycling in the Swiss Alps at 81 years old is an anomaly, but so is he. He’s in great physical shape, but his eyes are failing him. This will be his last shot, so we’re going. 

Think about your own physical fitness. We all have limits, and we need to be honest about what we can do when we get older, and what we can’t. Make the time and spend the money on the experiences you can only do now. 

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4. Give money to your children when they need it most

I know I didn’t list that as the first lesson, but it’s probably the most important. My parents’ frugality has built a retirement portfolio that lets my father (my mother has passed) gift my brother and me the IRS maximum gift of $19,000 annually. We don’t necessarily need it, but we make damn sure to use it to buy experiences with him. 

For other families, such a gift could be the difference between affording a middle-class life and struggling to survive on less. 

Most importantly, it lets the gift-giver see the fruits of their labor! We shouldn't sacrifice our entire lives to leave an inheritance when they need it less, and never experience the joy of giving. 

5. Use time buckets instead of a traditional bucket list

Perkins' time-bucketing approach is brilliant. He suggests breaking up our bucket list into time buckets, based on how much money we have and what we’re physically able to do.

I created and shared an example below: 

Wrapping It Up

Die With Zero is one of the most influential personal finance books I’ve read. It crystallized how we should spend our time and money with our children and gave me another reference point to encourage my father to spend more of our inheritance on himself. 

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