Understanding the Impact of Financial Infidelity Asymmetry on Couples’ Well-being

In marriage, trust is the cornerstone of a strong bond, but financial secrets can shatter that trust. Financial infidelity, where one partner hides financial actions that would be disapproved of by their spouse, is a common yet under-explored issue in relationships. 

More than 40% of couples experience financial infidelity, yet its implications for the couple's financial and emotional health are often ignored. 

Research co-authored by Dr. Jenny Olson and colleagues introduces an important new perspective: financial infidelity asymmetry—when one partner is significantly more prone to financial deception than the other—can severely impact a couple’s financial and relational well-being.

What is Financial Infidelity Asymmetry

Financial infidelity doesn't only occur when both partners engage in deception; it’s just as harmful when one partner is more secretive than the other. When there’s a significant difference in partners' tendencies to hide financial information, the couple experiences what is called financial infidelity asymmetry. 

The research highlights that couples with this imbalance have lower financial well-being and relationship satisfaction compared to couples where both partners share a similar level of financial transparency.

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Related: Financial Infidelity—The Damage it Causes and How to Avoid It

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How Does Financial Infidelity Asymmetry Happen?

Couples with asymmetry in financial transparency are more likely to develop individualized financial goals—one partner may want to save for a family vacation, while the other is focused on paying down debt. This lack of alignment can lead to conflict, miscommunication, and stress, making it more difficult to achieve shared financial objectives. 

In fact, the research found that financial infidelity asymmetry directly correlates with lower savings intentions and reduced relationship satisfaction.

This doesn’t mean that financial infidelity is solely about big secrets like hidden credit cards or debts—it also refers to the smaller, more subtle actions that one partner may keep hidden, such as excessive spending or non-disclosure of financial decisions.

How Can Couples Learn from This Research?

I asked Dr. Olson: What is the most important lesson she learned from her research?

"What really struck me is that even small differences in how couples handle financial transparency can shape the whole relationship dynamic. Money is such a sensitive topic for couples, but it’s not really about the dollars and cents. Money is about trust and togetherness.

The biggest lesson for me was realizing that being open, even when it's uncomfortable, isn’t just good for the bank account, it’s absolutely critical to keeping a relationship healthy and strong."

Financial Transparency is Essential

If you and your partner have different attitudes toward money, it’s vital to discuss your finances openly. Transparency helps prevent feelings of betrayal and builds a foundation of trust. 

Consider regular check-ins where you both update each other on spending habits, goals, and any financial concerns.

Create Shared Financial Goals

It’s easy for one partner to drift into individual goals if there is asymmetry in financial infidelity. Ensure both partners are on the same page by setting shared financial targets. Whether it’s saving for retirement, purchasing a home, or paying off debt, alignment in goals creates a unified front that fosters teamwork and reduces stress.

Take Financial “Date Nights”

Set aside time to discuss financial matters in a neutral, supportive environment. Think of it as a “financial date night,” where you can share your concerns, celebrate wins, and plan for future goals together. This helps bridge the gap created by financial infidelity asymmetry and strengthens the partnership.

Understand the Emotional Costs

The emotional toll of financial secrecy can be devastating, leading to trust issues, anxiety, and resentment. Couples dealing with financial infidelity should address the emotional side of their financial conflicts, seeking support if necessary. Professional counseling can help both partners process feelings and rebuild trust.

Get Professional Financial Counseling

If you find that financial infidelity asymmetry is affecting your marriage, professional financial counseling may be the solution. As an Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, I specialize in helping couples build financial transparency, set shared goals, and restore trust. Through 1:1 or couples ounseling, we’ll address your unique challenges and help you create a customized financial plan that works for both partners.

Schedule a free 15 minute consultation for more information on how we can get started on improving your financial relationship.