Why Stronger Marriages Require Better Workplaces: A Conversation with Dr. Smith and Dr. Johnson

I've interviewed many researchers over the years, but one theme continues to surface: if we want stronger marriages, we also need better workplaces.

That message came through loud and clear during my conversation with Dr. Brad Johnson and Dr. David Smith, authors of Fair Share. What struck me wasn't just their research—it was why they started doing it. David watched his wife's military career unfold alongside his own and saw the barriers she faced that he never experienced. Brad saw many of those same challenges through his sister's military career. Those personal experiences inspired them to study how men can become better allies, mentors, and leaders.

Home and Work Are Connected

One of the biggest myths we believe is that equality at home and equality at work are separate issues. They're not.

Dr. Johnson explained that even in two-income households, women still perform significantly more unpaid labor, including caregiving and the invisible mental load of running family life. As long as that imbalance exists, women will continue facing greater obstacles to promotions, leadership opportunities, and career growth.

At the same time, many men want to be more involved caregivers but work in cultures that quietly discourage it. Companies may offer parental leave or flexible schedules, yet employees still worry about being viewed as less committed if they actually use those benefits.

One Simple Idea That Can Change Workplace Culture

One of my favorite ideas from our conversation was Brad's advice to "leave loudly.” Instead of quietly slipping out for a child's doctor's appointment or a school event, tell people where you're going.

When leaders openly say they're leaving to care for family, they normalize caregiving for everyone else. That gives younger employees permission to believe they don't have to choose between career success and being present at home.

The Best Way to Support Your Spouse

David shared advice that applies just as much at home as it does in the workplace. When your spouse comes home frustrated about work, resist the urge to immediately solve the problem.

Listen first. Show empathy. Validate what they're experiencing.

Sometimes your partner needs to feel validated long before they need advice.

A Conversation That Changed My Marriage

Their discussion reminded me of a conversation I had with my wife years ago after hearing research showing that managers often assume promoting a woman could negatively affect her family while promoting a man helps provide for his family.

I encouraged Hope to make it clear to her manager that she had my full support at home if a larger leadership opportunity came along.

Within weeks, she accepted a global leadership position that required significantly more travel. Our family adapted, I took on much more responsibility at home, and those experiences eventually became the foundation for Modern Husbands.

My Biggest Takeaway

One idea from Fair Share aligns perfectly with everything I've learned through my own work: we can't build equal partnerships at home without also creating workplaces that support caregiving.

When men are encouraged to fully participate at home, women have greater opportunities to lead. Families become stronger. Workplaces become healthier. And couples no longer feel like they're forced to choose between successful careers and successful relationships.

Listen to our conversations with Dr. Smith and Dr. Johnson below. You can purchase all three of their books at workplaceallies.com. 

Modern Husbands Podcast Episode (Part 1)

🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Apple.

🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Spotify.

Modern Husbands Podcast Episode (Part 2)

🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Apple.

🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Spotify.

Modern Husbands Newsletter

Click here to subscribe for winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team.