How Men Can Support Their Partner’s Career

Brian Page
Dec 9
6 min read

Lessons from Research, Real Couples, and Lived Experience

Featuring insights from Dr. David Smith, Dr. Corinne Low, and Paul Sullivan. Released as a special edition of the Modern Husbands Podcast.

Dual career couples are now the norm. Yet the way we talk about career advancement, caregiving, time, and household labor still reflects a world where one partner, almost always the woman, bends her life around the demands of work and family while the other, almost always the man, focuses on maximizing professional achievement.

I sat down with three people who are shifting that narrative:

Dr. David Smith, researcher and co-author of Good Guys, Athena Rising, and the forthcoming Fair Share
Dr. Corinne Low, economist and author of Having It All
Paul Sullivan, founder of The Company of Dads and storyteller of what it means for men to lead at home

What emerged was a powerful and practical conversation about where real allyship begins, how equity at home unlocks women’s career potential, and why the most meaningful change does not start with policies or philosophy. It starts with everyday actions inside your own household.

Click here to pre-order Dr. David Smith’s newest book, Fair Share: How Men and Women Can Create a More Equitable Workplace Together

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Allyship Begins at Home

Too often, allyship is defined in corporate terms such as speaking up in meetings, advocating for diverse talent, or challenging bias in public spaces. Those matter. But according to Dr. David Smith, none of it is fully authentic if men are not practicing the same allyship at home.

He breaks allyship into three domains:

Interpersonal allyship, how we show up daily through empathy, generosity, and shared responsibility.
Public allyship, speaking up, challenging bias, and being visibly supportive.
Systemic allyship, working to reshape the systems that create inequity in the first place.

David made one point especially clear. You cannot become a workplace ally if you are not modeling equity at home. The home is the training ground. The emotional load, the invisible work, the meal planning, the mental logistics. If you do not see it, name it, and take accountability for it, your allyship everywhere else is incomplete.

For most men, the biggest barrier is not unwillingness. It is not knowing what they do not know. The mental load is often invisible until you ask.

The Team Mindset Matters More Than Anything Else

Paul Sullivan sees this firsthand through the thousands of lead dads he has met and profiled. The men who thrive at home and whose partners thrive because of them share one trait. They think of their household as a team, not a scoreboard.

In the workplace, teamwork is non-negotiable. If you fail to collaborate, you do not last. Yet at home, we often abandon those same skills.

Clear communication
Defined responsibilities
Regular check ins
Feedback

Paul reminded us that couples lack something the workplace has. HR.

There is no formal process for realigning expectations. When no one talks about what is accumulating beneath the surface, resentment builds like dust under a couch you have not moved in five years. You do not see it until it becomes overwhelming.

The Company of Dads Paper Test helps couples avoid this resentment by listing what each partner believes they do and comparing it to reality. The lists never match. But the clarity creates a reset.

Click here to learn more about how the Modern Husbands team can support ERGs.

What the Data Shows About Women’s Time, Labor, and Opportunity

Dr. Corinne Low’s research lays out the trade offs with astonishing clarity. Women’s careers are disproportionately constrained by domestic labor even when they earn more than their husbands.

Her data shows that the biggest imbalances are not in childcare. They are in cooking, cleaning, and routine household operations.

These tasks repeat daily, often hourly, and disproportionately fall on women.
Even highly ambitious women who out earn their husbands perform more domestic labor than their male partners.
Women accumulate human capital debt, lost promotions, forgone opportunities, and stalled career development because they lack the uninterrupted time men have.

Corinne emphasized one quick diagnostic any couple can use.

Do we have equal leisure time?

Not time with kids.Not multitasking time.Not family errands.

Actual restorative leisure.

If one partner consistently has less, there is imbalance. Full stop.

Closing the Perception Gap

Research shows men routinely overestimate how much they contribute at home. Not because they do not care, but because they lack visibility into the hundreds of micro decisions and mental tasks their partner is juggling.

David Smith says the solution is the same one workplaces use.

Feedback loops.

Not once a year.

Not during arguments.

But ongoing, structured, and grounded in curiosity.

And then there is the Fair Play principle

If you take something on, you own it completely.

Conception, anticipating the need
Planning, organizing what needs to happen
Execution, doing it start to finish

When men fully own domains of the household, rather than scattered tasks, equity becomes possible.

Life Transitions Require Renegotiation

Moves. Promotions. New babies. Job changes.These are the moments that expose the need for teamwork.

David spent decades in a dual military career marriage. For his family, constant change built a strong sense of identity. They created a shared mission, something research shows strengthens family resilience across many backgrounds.

Paul added a critical point. Big stressors get our attention, but day to day stressors often do the most damage. That is why couples must regularly renegotiate roles and expectations and not wait for a crisis.

Understanding the Motherhood Penalty

The motherhood penalty is not theoretical. It is visible in the data.

Women’s earnings drop after having a child and never fully recover. It happens even when women are the primary earners.

It accumulates over time as slower career growth, fewer promotions, and missed opportunities.

Corinne reframes it as a child investment, but one that should be shared. She pushes couples to make career decisions based on opportunity cost, strengths and preferences, actual economics, and long term career trajectories. Not assumptions about gender.

Related: Try our free Family Financial Planning Calculator

Why Paid Paternity Leave Matters

The United States remains far behind the rest of the world on paid family leave. David’s research shows that when leave is specifically labeled paternity leave, men take more of it and when they do, every equity indicator improves at home.

Companies benefit as well. Higher loyalty. Better retention. Stronger engagement. Healthier teams. But stigma persists. Many men still fear being viewed as less committed. Cultural barriers remain strong.

The Stigma Men Face and How to Push Back

Paul pointed out something striking. When girls cross traditional gender boundaries, they are called tomboys. Neutral, even empowering. When boys cross those boundaries, they are labeled sissies. The message is clear. Feminine coded labor is devalued.

This stigma keeps men from taking paternity leave, embracing caregiving, or stepping fully into leadership at home. It keeps working fathers undercover, pretending they do not have caregiving responsibilities.

Language matters. Visibility matters. Changing the narrative matters.

Practical High Impact Steps Men Can Take Today

Corinne offered four powerful actions.

1. Own entire tasks, not fragments

No more calling from the grocery store asking what brand of yogurt to buy.

2. Track household labor and leisure

You cannot improve what you do not measure.

3. Build competence in nontraditional domains

Parenting, cooking, logistics, scheduling. These are learnable skills.

4. Help your partner release unrealistic expectations

Not everything needs to be homemade. Not everything needs to be perfect. Sometimes the most supportive sentence is:

We do not have to do it that way.

A Better Way for Managers to Respond to Pregnancy Announcements

David shared a powerful example from his own management experience. When a male employee told him his wife was pregnant, David replied

Congratulations. When would it work best for you to take your leave?

This one question communicates support, flexibility, trust, and partnership. It normalizes caregiving and helps reshape workplace culture.

Takeaways for Couples

If you want to support your partner’s career, start with these practices:

Conduct a monthly Fair Play style review of household labor
Assign full domains, not scattered tasks
Track leisure time and redistribute if necessary
Revisit expectations during every major transition
Treat your home like a team you are co-leading
Communicate generously and frequently

Supporting your partner’s career is not about grand gestures. It is about the small, consistent acts that build equity, trust, and shared possibility.

Professional Support

I support couples who want to better manage money or the home as a team in their relationship.

I'm the only Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, empowering high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team — drawn from decades of national leadership and lived experience.

Contact me to set up a free 15 minute exploratory call.