Your Phone Is Stealing Your Life. Here's How to Take It Back.
My phone and social media suck the joy out of my life, and I’m going to do something about it. I’m going to either abandon my smartphone or use lockdown technology.
You might feel the same as I do. Half of Americans with a smartphone worry that they use their device too much. For those under 30, that figure rises to 80 percent.
I’m at my best when I’m not around technology. I suppose writing on a laptop is the exception, especially as I write this post, listening to the Lake Michigan waves crash against the stone just steps from where I’m sitting. Don’t get me wrong, I love living in midtown (Atlanta); there's so much to do, but I find my peace in nature.
I won't make an impulsive decision, and I doubt you will want to either. Disentangling myself from my phone and social media will be complicated, and this post explains how I plan to do so using science-based strategies and new products.
The Problems
I was struck by the opening paragraph of the Washington Post article, “How to protect your brain and your family from your phone.”
“Many of the apps and algorithms in your pocket are designed to steal you away from the rest of your life. The typical American spends six hours per day on their phone, according to a peer-reviewed study of 10,000 U.S. adults. That’s roughly 15 years of continuous screen time over a lifetime.”
Smartphones exploit the brain’s reward-learning system. Studies show that they satisfy fundamental psychological needs for social connection, stimulation, and immediate gratification. Notifications reinforce habitual behavior through dopamine-related learning processes, making the anticipation of a notification rewarding even before someone checks their phone. One study found that 89% of smartphone interactions were initiated by users rather than notifications.
Big Tech treats you unfairly for its own gain. They design systems that keep our eyes glued to their screens because they need our attention to sell ads or use their apps.
I taught for 15 years and shared with my students research showing that simply having your phone on you negatively affects learning. A smartphone's presence can sap our brain’s limited capacity to focus by draining resources as we resist temptation. Even when the phone is put away, findings from Brain Drain: The Mere Presence of One’s Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity show that it still reduces available cognitive capacity.
I realize I need to prepare for a little discomfort. Whether it’s missing out on the apps that make my life a little easier or the Reels that provide toxic but captivating entertainment.
Social Media On Our Phones
Getting likes on social media activates brain regions linked to the same reward processing we experience when we eat our favorite foods or win money. A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis found that problematic social media use was associated with higher levels of depression and anxiety, poorer psychological well-being, and sleep problems. So it’s like a high we chase throughout the day, and the drug is always in our pockets.
It’s not just my own posts that are the problem. I’m distracted by the injustices that make it into my algorithm. It sucks the life out of me to see so much bad in the world. Seeing pain creates pain for me. I wish I weren’t deeply empathetic, but I am. And I don’t think social media is healthy for people like me.
My challenge is that I share out on social media for my work at Modern Husbands. I don't think that I should stop, at least not yet. But I’m going to commit to uploading only posts laser-focused on sharing ideas for managing money and the home as a team, and I'll schedule time to check the accounts of others who do the same to amplify their messages.
Related: Click here and hover over the Subscribe button to see where to follow me.
The Solutions
The Washington Post article, “How to protect your brain and your family from your phone,” offers solutions I’ll use as a starting point to decide the best path forward. The post fails to consider abandoning your smartphone altogether. That’s where I’ll start.
Abandon Your Smartphone
My wife is pushing back on this idea. I get it; it’s probably not practical, but it's worth considering. I shared the following prompt with AI:
“Your responsibility is to find the ideal phone for me. My goal is to be more intentional with my time. I check my phone unintentionally throughout the day for notifications, and I want to eliminate all social media use on my phone. I don't want a phone with apps that could distract me from healthier ways to spend my time. I want a phone that allows for phone calls, text messaging, and basic safety features. It needs to be compact and durable, ideally with a BlackBerry-type keyboard. Suggest three phones and include the pros and cons of each.”
AI suggested three phones; you can learn more by reviewing the image carousel or visiting the phone pages linked below.
Abandoning my phone would be inconvenient. My phone has plenty of useful apps, and I’m not sure I want to go without them yet, so I'm looking for other options.
Change Your Environment
People who resist temptation don’t necessarily have more willpower, but they do know how to structure their environments so they need less willpower. Here are five easy ways to do just that.
1. Create a permanent home for your phone
2. Make your bedroom a phone-free zone
3. Replace smartphone functions with physical objects
4. Create phone-free spaces for meaningful activities
5. Make your phone boring and inconvenient
Add friction and nudges to your device and apps
One Sec App
I downloaded the One Sec app and spent about 30 minutes setting it up and trying it out. It required a second app, tutorials on my laptop while I learned in the app on my phone, and other time-consuming steps. It could be a great app, but I like simple, and it’s not simple.
I signed up for a seven-day free trial, which required my credit card. After seven days, you are charged $19.95 for an annual fee. I couldn’t figure out how to cancel my subscription, so I emailed them. I received an AI-generated response putting the work back on me to figure out how to unsubscribe, which I find unacceptable.
That said, when I deleted the app from my phone, a process was initiated that made it easy to cancel. Thank you, Apple!
ScreenZen
Screenzen runs on iPhone, Android, and Windows. You can download it on your Mac, too. And it’s donation-only. I chose to give $5. If it becomes life-changing over time, I’ll circle back and give more.
The setup took less than five minutes. You can create lockdown rules for any app on your phone. The only app that drains my time is Instagram, because I need its features for Modern Husbands, and the desktop version is limited. Then I doomscroll on my phone. That must stop.
I use any other social media on my laptop, and I never use it for anything other than uploading. Below are the locks I created for myself. So far, I love it.
I know there are other apps out there, but because I’m happy with Screenzen (so far), I’m not going to try them. But that shouldn’t stop you from exploring other options. I recommend reading The 7 best apps to help you focus and block distractions in 2026.
Eliminate notifications that aren't necessary for safety or direct communication
This is such a low-lift strategy. I have an iPhone. I took screenshots of where you can do this in your Settings.
I turned off all non-essential notifications, including the news alerts from the Washington Post and New York Times. I’ll schedule time to read the news, but I won’t let it interrupt my days anymore.
Other ideas
Set hard locks and limits, use a minimalist home screen with only essential tools, and replace screen time with something better.
What speaks to me is replacing screen time with reading. I already exercise regularly and make time to walk. My problem is when I’m in our apartment beside my phone.
If you want to replace screen time with activities you can do with your wife, check out my ideas on my Date and Activity Planning Page.
Wrapping It Up
Here’s a checklist of what I’ve done:
I bought an alarm and will keep my phone out of our bedroom.
I’ve eliminated all non-essential notifications.
I’m using Screenzen for Instagram, which limits my daily Insta consumption to 30 minutes.
I created a permanent home for my phone, out of reach from where I usually sit in our apartment.
I’m replacing smartphone functions with physical books. I already read quite a bit because I enjoy it, and I’m looking forward to reading more.
One final trick: I wrote this post to hold myself accountable.
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