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Dr. John Gottman is one of the world’s leading relationship researchers. He found that happy couples “make positive deposits” into what he calls the emotional bank account. They matter more than expensive gifts or grand gestures. His research also shows that couples who consistently express appreciation feel safer emotionally with each other. Showing each other gratitude also makes arguments less intense. All of this to say that it’s important to treat moments throughout the

My phone and social media suck the joy out of my life, and I’m going to do something about it. I’m going to either abandon my smartphone or use lockdown technology. You might feel the same as I do. Half of Americans with a smartphone worry that they use their device too much. For those under 30, that figure rises to 80 percent. I’m at my best when I’m not around technology. I suppose writing on a laptop is the exception, especially as I write this post, listening to the Lak

What separates happy couples from those who struggle? Is it grand romantic gestures? What about the picture-perfect date nights you see on Instagram? Relationship researchers have spent decades studying what predicts long-term relationship satisfaction. I wrote this post to share what they found. 10 Simple Habits of Happy Couples The strongest relationships are often built on steady behaviors that help partners feel loved and appreciated. They’re not expensive or time-consum

It hurts to write a post like this, but it's not lost on me that sometimes divorce is the best option. Relying solely on research, I decided to point out the nine predictors of divorce in the hopes that my readers will recognize the seriousness of problems in their relationship. What I'm sharing does not guarantee a breakup, but it should serve as a warning. If you married after 1980, these are the most common predictors of divorce in the U.S. 1. Toxic Communication (a.k.a. T

I confess that I don’t love social media. I spend most of my time on Instagram for work, and I don’t hop off soon enough to avoid a bit of doomscrolling. My algorithms typically feed me positive content about couples, but from time to time I’ll run across a “woman hater” or a “man hater” who makes my skin crawl. Algorithms do not reward nuance. So the relationship tips fed to your accounts probably feel sharper and include some form of outrage. They use assumptions to make sn

Nathan Yau analyzed and prepared the interactive data below, which are derived from the well-being module of the American Time Use Survey. He downloaded the data from IPUMS and used all available years: 2010, 2012, 2013, and 2021. Interactive: Activities and Happiness Explore what activities give us the most meaning and happiness by clicking the image below. Dr. Ashley Whillans is a social psychologist and researcher at Harvard who has extensively studied the factors that con

"We have no time!" We hear this from couples all the time. Work is demanding, but so are many of our responsibilities at home. As busy dual-career couples, we must squeeze every second of our day to be productive and intentional. I read Happier Hour by Dr. Cassie Holmes to uncover the strategies that can help us manage our time effectively so that we can be our best at work and at home. Time poverty is especially acute for busy dual-career couples like us, making it crucial

Talking about our feelings is a bedrock of communication in marriage. For many of us, expressing our emotions can be a challenging task. In this blog post, we'll explore ways to open up and share our feelings with our spouses to foster a deeper emotional connection. The most useful starting point is the emotional wheel. How to Use an Emotion Wheel An emotion wheel is a visual guide with no clear starting or ending point. It makes it easier for us to identify exactly how we ar

Male loneliness is finally being talked about. That alone feels like progress. Does that mean that women aren't lonely? Absolutely not. According to PEW, roughly equal shares of U.S. men and women say they’re often lonely, but men are less likely to reach out to a wider network for emotional support. Men are also 4x more likely to commit suicide. For the purposes of this post, I focus on the loneliness challenges men face. For years, men’s isolation was ignored, minimized, o

Words matter. Especially in a marriage. As a Certified Financial Therapist™ and Accredited Financial Counselor®, I often talk with couples about when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated. This post addresses some of the barriers I help clients work through. Before we jump in, let’s be clear about two things. First, this is not about blaming women. Again, I am not blaming women. It’s about helping women understand how some men may experience certain messages in a relationship.

Do you get a two-day vacation every week? Many of us do, typically on Saturdays and Sundays. But do you treat it like a vacation? Most of us do not, and that impacts our relationships and overall well-being. At least, according to Katrina Onstad, the author of How to Take Back Your Weekends: The Life Changing Benefits of Taking Two Days Off. Three Key Lessons from How to Take Back Your Weekends Value of Leisure Time Leisure time, especially weekends, rejuvenates people. Dedic

Society told us we were supposed to climb the ladder, make more money, and "man up" when things get tough. Our success was measured by our job titles and the size of our homes. In some ways, it was simpler because success could be seen and measured. It's not so simple anymore. But modern husbands are increasingly questioning whether those old definitions of success actually lead to a meaningful life. Let me be clear. Modern Husbands want quality time with their families. We w

I’m sharing this post from Aly Bullock, LMFT, because conversations about control in relationships require both honesty and care. As a Certified Financial Therapist, I am trained to help couples through financial conflict. However, my purview does not extend beyond that, which is another reason I’m sharing Aly’s insights. ​ Aly Bullock is a licensed marriage and family therapist and communication coach dedicated to helping couples build stronger, more fulfilling relationships

Feeling loved is about feeling understood, respected, appreciated, and supported through routine interactions. When these behaviors become habits, they quietly chip away at trust, emotional safety, and partnership. Sadly, some couples can slowly drift apart because of everyday behaviors that communicate something very different than this, and those habits compound and can create contempt, the number one predictor of divorce. The good news is that these mistakes are entirely a

Many men are following a playbook that is quietly damaging their mental health. From a young age, boys are often taught that real men handle problems alone, stay emotionally controlled, avoid vulnerability, and never ask for help. These messages are frequently celebrated as signs of strength, resilience, and independence. Yet one of the largest reviews of masculinity research ever conducted suggests that some of the traits men are encouraged to admire most may be the very one

As a Certified Financial Therapist™ and Accredited Financial Counselor®, I often talk with couples about how they spend their money. One of the most fascinating findings in consumer psychology is that people consistently report greater happiness from spending money on experiences than on material possessions. The World Cup provides a perfect example of why, according to research. Why Experiences Create More Happiness Than Stuff Research by Van Boven and Gilovich (2003) found

Dad jokes are timeless. They're clean, clever, and just cheesy enough to make everyone groan before they laugh. Whether you're looking for a joke to tell at the dinner table, during a road trip, or while embarrassing your kids in public, these 155 dad jokes are guaranteed to get a reaction. Marriage & Wife Jokes My wife bought me a pug. Despite the bulging eyes, squashed nose, and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like me. My wife threatened to leave me because of my filthy a

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce donated $26 million to support twenty charitable organizations in the week leading up to their wedding; a gift that deserves recognition for its size and what it represents. I’m a fan of both because I respect their relationship. Taylor Swift makes great music, but I’m more of a Pearl Jam kind of guy. Travis Kelce is a hell of a football player, but as a Bengals fan I’m compelled to hate the Chiefs. So I’m not a biased fan upset to see that some

For generations, many men were taught that being a good husband and father meant one thing above all else: to provide. Men were expected to work hard, earn steadily, sacrifice quietly, and demonstrate love primarily through financial stability. Fathers showed commitment by putting food on the table, not necessarily by packing lunches, scheduling dentist appointments, or managing the family calendar. But fatherhood is changing, and the data now shows that this shift is real. N

A recent YouGov survey asked couples what they fight about most. The results: Tone of voice. Communication styles. Money. Emotional needs. Household chores. If you work with dual-career couples, as I do, you know something important. The topic of the fight often stems from deeper issues. For this post, I will succinctly describe the survey findings uncovering what couples argue about money and provide solutions to reduce friction and fights. Arguments Stemming from Tone, Atti