Be a Hero Husband: How to Help Manage the Home
- Brian Page
- Aug 6
- 4 min read
Why Men Should Care
Many men are happiest when making an equal contribution to household chores. According to research conducted by the University of Cambridge, men, not women, benefited from a less traditional gender role divide in household chores.
Researchers believe more men support gender equality, and women are more assertive than in the past. Researchers said men are uncomfortable with not doing their fair share of housework.
Sharing household chores ranks as the third-highest issue associated with a successful marriage, behind only unfaithfulness and good sex.
So boys – let's turn those frowns upside down and do some chores!
How to Divide the Chores
In recent years, my wife and I went through a transition from her shouldering nearly all of the household chores to my taking on most of the responsibilities. I'll share the approaches we have taken, working together to manage the home and the experts' advice.
I never understood how much my wife did until I did it myself. Looking back, I feel bad that I didn't acknowledge her hard work more often. For years, I worked 70-80 hours a week while she stayed home or worked a less stressful job. Over the past five years, our roles have slowly flipped.
After experiencing this, I believe there are two certainties.
You can never fully understand the time and mental energy it takes to shoulder the countless tasks of managing a home until you do it yourself.
We have a happier marriage now that I am doing more at home. I enjoy cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and helping with laundry, and this newfound time has allowed my wife to continue to thrive in her career.
Remember that every couple is different and living in different circumstances, so our best way may not be your best way to divide the household chores.
What works best for us is that we each tackle what we enjoy doing the most and the tasks that fit our skill sets. We are considerate of work responsibilities and the balancing act necessary at home to offset increased responsibilities at work. Right now, it is Hope whose career is our family priority.
Fair Play
The documentary Fair Play was released in the summer of 2022. It is based on the book Fair Play, written by Eve Rodsky, which explores inequities between married couples and their impact on wives and mothers. It is full of practical tips and methods couples can use to share the responsibilities of managing a home fairly.
If you’re interested, I wrote a book review of Fair Play. There are a lot of good ideas in there, and the Fair Play cards can be a helpful resource to divide the responsibilities at home. There are 100 playing cards organized into five different categories, which make up the ecosystem of your domestic life:
Home activities
Activities outside of the home
Caregiving
Joy tasks (e.g., birthday parties)
Wild tasks (e.g., managing a move)
We played ourselves, and the wrinkle that worked for us included the kids using the cards to assign tasks.
It must be said — doing chores together does not mean doing the task while your wife stands over you to ensure you complete it to her satisfaction. I know I am not alone in talking with friends, and this drives all of us bonkers. Using the Fair Play system eliminates that frustration.
What I found to be most important in executing this approach is that it clarifies who is responsible for what. The problems we have faced in the past have often come from miscommunication or a lack of follow-through in sharing tasks.
Support in Your Relationship
I am now a Fair Play Facilitator. I am trained to empower couples to use the Fair Play system. I am also an Accredited Financial Counselor.
Contact me to set up an exploratory call and learn how I can support you.
Modern Husbands Podcast
Episode with Fair Play Author Eve Rodsky
Winning ideas from experts to manage money and the home as a team. 2023 Plutus Award Finalist: Best Couples or Family Content
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Apple.
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Spotify.
Eve Rodsky transformed a “blueberries breakdown” into a catalyst for social change when she applied her Harvard trained background in organizational management to ask the simple yet profound question: What would happen if we treated our homes as our most important organizations?
Her New York Times bestselling book and Reese’s Book Club Pick, Fair Play, is a gamified life-management system that helps partners rebalance their domestic workload and reimagine their relationship. Her book was also the inspiration for the Apple TV documentary Fair Play.
Eve Rodsky received her B.A. in economics and anthropology from the University of Michigan and her J.D. from Harvard Law School.
Today we will discuss how you can use the Fair Play System to manage your home as a team with your partner.
Show Notes
00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:28 What do husbands have to say after experiencing the Fair Play System?
00:04:20 What prompted building out the Fair Play system?
00:12:15 Can you walk us through the basics of your Fair Play system?
00:24:39 A brilliant example of success using the Fair Play System that husbands will love.
00:31:01 Why men hurt when they don’t have a role in their home
00:37:48 How do you work with your spouse to manage all of the food responsibilities?
00:44:28 Why is the Fair Play book, the Fair Play cards, or the Fair Play documentary the ideal Valentine’s Day gift?
00:45:40 Where can our listeners learn more about Fair Play?
00:46:15 Valentine’s Day Assignment
Follow Modern Husbands
Winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team delivered to your inbox every two weeks. You'll even receive a few free gifts!
