What Men Can Learn from Having It All by Dr. Corinne Low: Book Review

Brian Page
3 days ago
7 min read

When “Having It All” Became “Doing It All”

Every so often, a book lands on your desk that makes you stop and say, “I wish I’d read this twenty years ago.”

For me, that book was Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women’s Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours by Dr. Corinne Low.

Low is an economist at the Wharton School, brilliant, data-driven, and refreshingly candid about her own messy journey. In the opening scene, she’s pumping milk in an Amtrak bathroom, crying because she’ll miss putting her baby to bed. It’s the kind of moment that feels small and ordinary but represents something enormous: a generation of women pushed to the brink by impossible expectations.

Low’s premise is simple but radical. Women aren’t failing to “have it all.” They’re living inside systems that were never designed for them to succeed.

As the founder of Modern Husbands, I spend my days helping dual-career couples manage money and the home as a team. Reading Low’s book was like putting data behind every conversation I’ve had with a couple sitting on the edge of burnout.

Related: I am hosting Dr. Low, along with Dr. David Smith and Paul Sullivan for a discussion on December 5th, 2025. Click here to learn how you can attend for free.

This isn’t just a book for women. It’s a book for men who want to understand what their partners are up against and how we can be part of the solution.

Here are the biggest lessons I took away and a brief review of her book.

What “Having It All” Really Means

Low uses economics to dissect modern womanhood and, in doing so, reveals the quiet math of exhaustion.

She introduces the idea that every decision we make, whether to take a job, have a child, or stay in a relationship, is a kind of deal. Each deal has inputs (time, effort, money) and outputs (security, happiness, status). The problem? The deals women are offered are structurally worse.

At work, women are still steered away from high-paying STEM fields, penalized for maternity leave, and under-promoted compared to men with identical résumés. At home, they shoulder the majority of what Low calls home production: cooking, cleaning, child care, emotional labor, and the endless coordination that makes life run.

The result, she argues, is a broken equilibrium. We told women they could “have it all” — careers, families, success — but men didn’t redefine what “having it all” required of us. The game changed for women. The rules didn’t change for men.

It’s a brutal truth told with humor, data, and heart. And while Low’s intended audience is women, men have a lot to learn from it, starting with these three lessons.

Lesson 1: Stop Assuming the Game Is Fair

In the chapter Winning the Bread and Baking It Too, Low dismantles one of the biggest myths in modern marriage: that equality arrived when women entered the workforce.

Yes, more women earn degrees and hold jobs than ever before. But Low’s research shows that women who out-earn their husbands still do twice as much cooking and cleaning.

Think about that for a second. Two full-time jobs. Two incomes. But only one person doing the invisible labor that keeps the family running.

Low calls this the “modern marriage paradox.” In the 1950s, the deal was flawed but clear: one partner earned income; the other managed the home. Today, most couples rely on two incomes, yet many households still operate as if there’s a full-time homemaker, and it’s almost always her.

The result? Women are overworked, men are confused, and both are quietly resentful.

I’ve seen this pattern play out in the couples I coach. It’s not about laziness; it’s about scripts. Men grow up seeing their fathers “help out,” not co-own domestic life. We mow the lawn and feel proud, but we don’t notice who restocks the toothpaste or remembers the parent-teacher conference.

Low reframes the question: if every marriage is a set of deals, are both partners getting a good one?

Key takeaway:

As men, we need to stop thinking of ourselves as assistants in our own homes. “Helping” assumes someone else is in charge. True partnership means co-owning the household — the chores, the mental load, and the emotional responsibility.

Try auditing your “home contract.” List every recurring task, from scheduling doctor’s appointments to paying bills. Then divide them not by convenience but by fairness. If it feels uncomfortable, that’s a sign you’re doing it right.

Lesson 2: Recognize “The Squeeze” Before It Breaks You Both

Low’s second major insight hit me like a freight train: the squeeze.

She describes it as the period in life when careers, parenting, and finances collide — the years when your boss wants you in early, your kids need you constantly, and your bank account can’t keep up.

Her data shows that women’s time spent on childcare and housework peaks long before their earnings do.

Translation: just when their careers need acceleration, life piles on the heaviest domestic load.

I remember our version of the squeeze vividly. My wife, Hope, and I were both working full time with three kids under ten. We tag-teamed mornings and collapsed at night, each secretly convinced the other had it easier. I was chasing career stability; she was holding our family together.

Low’s research gives language to that feeling. The squeeze isn’t about poor time management; it’s a structural reality. Modern families are built on two full-time jobs and one invisible third shift of household management. And when men don’t see it, women pay the price.

Key takeaway:

The squeeze is not just her problem; it’s a team crisis.

If your partner looks perpetually tired or short-tempered, she’s not failing. She’s likely living in the overlap of two unsustainable systems: workplaces that assume a stay-at-home spouse and marriages that assume a one-income model.

One practical tool I recommend, and Low would likely approve, is using the Fair Play framework by Eve Rodsky. It breaks every household task into Conception, Planning, and Execution (CPE).

Who conceives the task (remembers it exists)?
Who plans it (researches and schedules)?
Who executes it (actually does it)?

Most men handle one out of three. The real work is owning all three, from conception to completion.

Sit down together and ask, Where do you feel most squeezed? Then build systems, not guilt, to relieve it. That could mean outsourcing chores, simplifying routines, or rethinking work hours.

When couples tackle the squeeze together, they don’t just survive. They thrive.

Related: I am a Fair Play trained facilitator. Contact me to learn how I can support you.

Lesson 3: Redefine Partnership as a Shared Optimization Problem

As an economist, Low brings a unique lens to happiness. She talks about utility functions — the formulas economists use to explain how individuals maximize satisfaction in life.

In simple terms: what adds points to your personal scoreboard? What drains them?

Low challenges readers to identify their own “utility function” and, more importantly, to stop living by someone else’s. For many women, that means questioning societal expectations that they should work like they don’t have kids and parent like they don’t have jobs.

For men, it’s an invitation to do the same. Too many of us still equate worth with income, hours worked, or how busy we look. But marriage isn’t an individual optimization game; it’s a joint one.

In the couples I work with, the happiest aren’t the ones earning the most money. They’re the ones who’ve learned to optimize for both partners’ well-being. They ask:

What matters most to us right now?
How can we spend less time surviving and more time enjoying the life we’re building?
What would it take to make each other’s days easier?

Key takeaway:

Redefine success together. Instead of trying to “balance” everything, design your household like a shared business — one where joy, time, and connection are key metrics, not afterthoughts.

Have the conversation that too few couples have:

“What adds the most points to your life right now, and how can I help make that happen?”

When you optimize as a team, resentment gives way to collaboration.

Beyond the Lessons: Why This Book Matters for Men

Here’s the truth: Having It All isn’t anti-men. It’s pro-equity.

Low doesn’t scold; she exposes. She uses data, humor, and vulnerability to help readers understand why the system feels broken for so many women. But she also gives men a map.

Men benefit from this book because it makes the invisible visible. Once you see the imbalance in time, mental load, and cultural expectation, you can’t unsee it.

And that’s a good thing.

Understanding the real forces at play helps men lead differently, not just at home but at work. When you know how much invisible labor goes into keeping a household or raising kids, you manage your teams with more empathy. You advocate for better parental leave. You become the kind of man who doesn’t just talk about equality but practices it.

For me personally, Having It All reframed how I think about my own marriage. Hope and I have always worked as a team, but reading Low’s research reminded me that equity isn’t a one-time decision; it’s a daily audit.

A Thoughtful Critique

If there’s one limitation, it’s that the book speaks primarily to women. Men looking for step-by-step guidance on how to implement these lessons might need to look elsewhere. But that’s also the point. Having It All isn’t a “how-to” for men; it’s a “see-this” for everyone.

It’s not a self-help book so much as a social blueprint, one that uses economics to tell a deeply human story about time, love, and fairness.

If Women Have Been Told They Can “Have It All,” We Must Share It All

Low ends her introduction with a simple truth: “You are doing more than enough, literally, you are doing it all.”

That line should make every husband stop and think. Because if our partners are “doing it all,” we’re not truly in partnership; we’re in parallel play.

Modern marriage isn’t about women leaning in harder. It’s about men stepping up smarter.

So here’s my challenge to every man reading this:

Audit the fairness of your household “deal.”
Recognize the squeeze before it crushes you both.
Redefine success as something you optimize together.

Read Having It All to understand the world your wife is navigating. Then start asking new questions: How can I change the system in our home so she doesn’t have to carry it?

If women have been told they can have it all, as men we can share it all — the work, the love, and the responsibility that makes a life worth living.

Professional Support

I support couples who want to better manage money or the home as a team in their relationship. I am also available for group coaching events.

I'm the only Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, empowering high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team — drawn from decades of national leadership and lived experience.

Click here to schedule a free 15 minute exploratory call.

For more ideas to manage money and the home as a team in your marriage, click here to take advantage of our free preview of our Marriage Toolkit.