What Moms Really Want
- Brian Page
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, countless commercials, newsletters, and social media posts tout the perfect gifts for moms: flowers, chocolate, and sparkling jewelry. While these gestures are appreciated, my Mother’s Day poll shared on LinkedIn paints a different picture—one that reveals a deeper, more meaningful need among modern mothers.
Have a look at the results below:
Beyond the Bouquet
When we ask what moms really want, we need to look beyond the temporary tokens of appreciation and focus on the everyday systems that govern their lives. The overwhelming response to this poll highlights a truth that many mothers live every day: the emotional and physical labor of running a household is not evenly shared.
Some households still operate on outdated expectations, where the woman—even when working full-time—is expected to be the default parent and household manager. This isn’t just frustrating; for some couples, it's exhausting and unsustainable.
As one mom put it in response to a similar conversation,
“I don’t want flowers that will wilt in a week—I want a partner who sees and shares the work it takes to keep our home and family running.”
Strategies for a Fair Division of Labor
Fortunately, there are practical strategies couples can implement to achieve a fairer division of labor. This doesn’t mean splitting every task 50/50; rather, it’s about both partners feeling the division is equitable and respectful of each other’s time and energy. Here are a few approaches:
1. Start with the Invisible Work
Invisible labor—planning meals, keeping track of pediatric appointments, remembering teacher appreciation day—can be just as taxing as physically doing the dishes. Proceed by identifying this mental load. Try tracking your tasks for a week, then sit down with your partner and compare notes.
2. Use a System like Fair Play
Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play method offers a card-based system that helps couples redistribute domestic tasks based on accountability, not just action. It includes responsibilities like handling meals, managing family finances, and organizing kids’ activities. The key is that whoever “holds the card” is responsible from start to finish—no reminders or follow-ups needed.
I am a certified Fair Play Facilitator and meet with busy couples seeking support to establish systems in their homes that lead to greater efficiency and equity. Click here to learn more about how I may support you.
3. Hold Regular Home Meetings
Set aside 20–30 minutes each week to go over upcoming responsibilities, emotional load, and schedule conflicts. These “home team” meetings allow both partners to plan proactively, avoid misunderstandings, and build mutual appreciation.
4. Consider Capacity, Not Just Time
A common mistake in delegating tasks is to assume both partners have equal bandwidth. A fair division should take into account stress levels, workload, and even mental health. One week, your partner might be under pressure at work, and you pick up more; another week, that might flip.
5. Teach Kids to Participate
Don’t wait until your children are teenagers to teach responsibility. Age-appropriate chores give kids a sense of ownership and reduce the burden on parents. Plus, it models what equitable labor should look like in future relationships.
The Cost of Inequity
When the division of labor isn’t fair, it takes a toll on relationships. Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family consistently shows that inequitable domestic labor is a predictor of relationship dissatisfaction, particularly for women. It’s not only about chores—it’s about respect, partnership, and feeling valued.
What’s more, the "motherhood penalty" continues to impact women’s careers. A Pew Research Center study found that working moms are significantly more likely than dads to report that they’ve had to reduce work hours, take a leave of absence, or turn down a promotion because of family responsibilities.
Fair division of labor is not only about making mom happy on Mother’s Day. It’s about giving women the same freedoms and opportunities as their partners—not just in the workplace, but also in their homes.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
I support couples who want to better manage money or the home as a team in their relationship. I am also available for group coaching events.
I'm the only Certified Financial Therapist™, Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, empowering high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team — drawn from decades of national leadership and lived experience.
Click here for more details about how and when I can support you.
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