Who’s Pulling Their Weight at Home? What the Research Says (and What You Can Do About It)

If you're in a relationship, chances are you've had at least one argument about chores or childcare. Whether it's dishes piling up or school drop-offs getting missed, managing the day-to-day stuff at home can feel like a full-time job.

According to new research from the Pew Research Center, that feeling isn’t just in your head.

The study looked at how married and cohabiting couples divide housework and parenting duties. The takeaway? Many couples still fall into traditional roles, but it’s not always by choice, and the imbalance can lead to stress, resentment, and burnout, especially for women.

So what does that mean for you? If you want a stronger relationship, happier kids, and a less stressed-out partner, it’s time to team up at home.

What the Research Found

The Pew survey focused on opposite-sex couples with children under 18. Here's what stood out:

• Women are still doing most of the chores and childcare. About 59% of Americans say moms take on more of the responsibilities at home. Only 6% say dads do more.

• Many couples think the split is fair—but the numbers tell a different story. Even when men think they’re doing their part, women often disagree.

• Working moms carry more of the load. Among couples where both partners work full time, women are still more likely to manage the house and kids.

• Dads are stepping up more than before—but there’s room to grow. The majority of dads say parenting is rewarding, and many want to be more involved.

This research isn’t about blaming anyone. It’s about getting honest about what’s happening and finding ways to work better as a team.

Why It Matters

You might be thinking, “I help out already.” Great. But is your partner on the same page? Doing a task here and there isn’t the same as taking full responsibility for part of the home.

When one person feels like they have to “manage” everything—keeping track of what needs to be done and reminding their partner—it adds mental load. That invisible stress can cause burnout and tension, even in the best relationships.

On the flip side, couples who share responsibilities more equally report stronger connections, less stress, and more satisfaction in their relationships.

Small Shifts That Make a Big Difference

You don’t need to change everything overnight. Start with small, intentional steps that show you’re all in. Here’s how:

1. Own the Whole Task

Don’t just do what you’re told. Take full responsibility for something at home. If you handle dinner, that means planning, shopping, cooking, and cleaning up. If you're in charge of bedtime, it means managing everything from baths to lights out.

This frees up your partner’s mental space—and shows you’ve got it covered.

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Related: The Ultimate Guide to the Mental Load

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2. Set Weekly Check-ins

Pick a time once a week to talk about what’s working and what’s not. Ask your partner what’s on their plate and what you can take off of it. Listen without jumping to solutions right away.

This small habit builds trust and keeps you aligned.

3. Use Systems to Help You Plan

If you’re not sure what needs to get done, systems like the Fair Play can help. It’s a method for dividing up the invisible labor at home, so you both know who’s doing what.

No more “I thought you had it.”

And here's a fast fact. In addition to being an Accredited Financial Counselor®, I am a Fair Play® domestic labor specialist. I empower individuals and teamwork-spirited couples with systems that work for them.

Click here to contact me and learn more.

4. Don’t Wait to Be Asked

If the house looks like a mess, take initiative. See a pile of laundry? Fold it. Is the dishwasher full? Run it. Kid has a birthday party coming up? RSVP and grab a gift.

Being proactive shows your partner you’re a true teammate.

5. Be Flexible When Life Gets Busy

Some weeks are tougher than others. If your partner is slammed at work or feeling overwhelmed, offer to step up more that week. Then trade off when your schedule gets tight. Flexibility is one of the best ways to show care and respect.

The Big Picture

Being a great partner and parent doesn’t mean doing everything. It means showing up, communicating openly, and carrying your share of the weight—both visible and invisible.

At Modern Husbands, we believe managing the home and money together is a sign of strength. It’s not just about “helping” your partner. It’s about being a full participant in the life you’re building together.

So whether you’re folding laundry, packing lunches, or driving to soccer practice, remember this. You’re not just doing chores. You’re showing love, building trust, and laying the foundation for a happier, more connected family.

Support for Your Domestic Labor Challenges

I support couples who want to better manage money or the home as a team in their relationship.

I'm the only Accredited Financial Counselor® and Fair Play Facilitator®, empowering high-achieving couples with systems to manage money and the home as a team — drawn from decades of national leadership and lived experience.

Click here to learn more about me and how I can help.

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