Know When to Give Love and When to Give Money This Valentine's Day
- Brian Page
- Feb 14
- 2 min read
Original Post: 2/13/24
Updated Post: 2/14/24
Valentine's Day is right around the corner. It's the Super Bowl for spouses. Believe it or not, there's actually a science to playing Cupid.
Three Essential Ground Rules
When there's the expectation of a gift, the gift receiver experiences less joy. Well, it's actually worse than that. If the gift giver fails to meet expectations, it creates problems.
You'll find success with sentimental gifts.
Experiential gifts, such as a thoughtful night out, foster stronger relationships than materialistic purchases.
Those are the ground rules. However, gift-giving is more complex for the financial opposites who attract.
Dr. Scott Rick is an award-winning Associate Professor of Marketing at the University of Michigan's Ross School of Business. Dr. Rick, who was also a previous podcast guest, focuses on understanding the emotional causes and consequences of consumer financial decision-making.
Dr. Rick's new book, Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships, explores his interest in how financial opposites interact in marriage.
A tightwad is not slang for being cheap. They fall on the extreme side of frugality. If you're frugal, you love to save; if you're a tightwad, you also hate to spend.
He dedicates a chapter to explaining how financial opposites should approach gift-giving. I asked Dr. Rick to provide insight into how we can best play Cupid.
My wife knows I'm just an arm's length away from being a Tightwad on Dr. Rick's financial spectrum. For me, or any tightwad, a sacrifice involves spending enough for her to know it created discomfort. This, of course, is in addition to choosing something sentimental and creating an experience we will never forget.
Dr. Rick explains that when a tightwad partner buys something expensive, the meaning goes far beyond the price tag. “If my partner is a tightwad, and they buy me something expensive, I suspect that was very painful for them,” he says.
In other words, the cost is not just financial. For someone who naturally resists spending, an extravagant purchase can feel psychologically uncomfortable. “They put themselves in harm’s way, psychologically speaking, for me,” Dr. Rick adds. “If that’s not a signal of love and affection, I don’t know what is.”
The dynamic shifts, however, when the roles are reversed. Partners of spendthrifts are already used to frequent spending. A bigger or more expensive gift may not signal sacrifice. Instead, it can create frustration.
In those cases, a thoughtful and intentionally frugal gesture may communicate far more love. Restraint, not extravagance, becomes the meaningful act.
What's the Lesson this Valentine's Day?
Be sentimental. Write a meaningful note. Tightwad spouses must give love, and spendthrift spouses should know how much you care by spending money.
If all else fails, studies show that it's easier to go right when you purchase exactly what they said they want.
Follow Modern Husbands
Winning ideas from experts to manage money and the home as a team. 2023 Plutus Award Finalist: Best Couples or Family Content
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Apple.
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Spotify.
Winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team.
