The presidential race is bringing to the forefront conversations about modern marriage.
Doug Emhoff is the husband of the Democratic Presidential Nominee and current VP Kamala Harris. Doug is also a widely successful attorney.
Michael Haley is the husband of former GOP Presidential Candidate Nikki Haley. Michael is also an American businessman and commissioned officer in the South Carolina Army National Guard.
Both men are proudly supportive of their wives who excel in their political careers and have served in the positions historically served by men.
Related: What is a Modern Husband?
I’ve been longing for an article that rightfully articulates how I feel when I read about Doug Emhoff or Michael Haley. Richard Reeves, who leads the American Institute for Boys and Men, shared on his X account the article, America's never had a first gentleman. Doug Emhoff could play 'a crucial role in reshaping the perception of masculinity,' experts say, which dives into what a first gentleman would mean for men.
After reading the article and reflecting on what it means to me and other men in marriage, here are the four takeaways I see.
1. Dual career couples are experiencing a new normal
Dual career couples are the norm in the United States, and increasingly women are the spouses holding positions that pay more or are perceived as more powerful. As we work through this evolution, much of what I see in the media or from influencers fails to portray what I see from my circle of friends.
Within my circle of friends are men who matter factly support their wives (or husbands) in their careers. I say this because we don’t see it as a social justice issue in our marriage, nor do we believe that being a supportive spouse somehow makes us special.
Simply put, many men see the support we provide our ambitious wives as a “no duh normal” thing to do.
2. Conversations about masculinity make me cringe
For many of us, we don’t see our support for our wive’s careers as a social justice issue or a mark of new masculinity, but rather a common sense low bar expectation of loving your spouse.
I’m not alone in this thinking, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are seeing a series of “firsts” in modern marriages. Take for example the political stage in 2024.
Elena Sheppard writes that Emhoff’s is a man who is unapologetically supportive of his wife and a vocal advocate for equal women’s rights and freedoms. When his wife became vice president, he left his practice as an entertainment lawyer and now teaches law part time at Georgetown University.
I cringe when I see decisions like Emhoff’s fall under some sort of conversation about “masculinity.” Perhaps that is because I’m not that deep — I’m just a normal dude from rural Ohio who sees their relationship as two human beings married to one another, and Emhoff’s career pivot as common sense and a practical decision for their lives together.
3. Many men aren’t what they’re made out to be by the media
Sheppard writes, “Doug is a dude first, which I think is actually important in terms of reaching men,” says Plank. “He doesn't put his masculinity aside in order to support a woman; it's part of his definition of it. He talks about fantasy football and trying to get the girl (who just so happens to be Kamala Harris), which is extremely relatable for a man watching at home.”
I’m in three fantasy football leagues, and using the men in this league as an example to draw from, many of them are in a dual career relationship married to women in career positions of power. And frankly, they see this new career power dynamic as one big shoulder shrug. Meaning, the ambitions of their wives does not devalue who they are as men. For many of us, their drive is a part of what we fell in love with.
Moreover, many men don’t judge people by their wealth or status, they judge their character. Wealth and status expose character, of the lack thereof. So the notion that someone is somehow more “masculine” because they have more money or a high status job doesn’t translate for most men, which is certainly the case for me.
4. The double standard women face is felt in our homes
The disgusting behavior I see from some male politicians that is dismissed or even celebrated by some would be disqualifying for any woman who did the same.
Ordinary guys like me wonder how that plays out in the workforce. We are rooting for our wives, much of their happiness hinges upon their career advancement. We worry that they have a smaller margin of error in the workforce.
Follow Modern Husbands
Start, Strengthen, or Rebuild Your Marriage. Our Marriage Toolkit empowers couples with evidence based ideas from 40+ of the nation’s leading experts in managing money and the home as a team.
Winning ideas from experts to manage money and the home as a team. 2023 Plutus Award Finalist: Best Couples or Family Content
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Apple.
🔔 Click here to listen and subscribe to the Modern Husbands Podcast on Spotify.
Winning ideas to manage money and the home as a team delivered to your inbox every two weeks. You'll even receive a few free gifts!
Comments